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Posted by: | April 6, 2016


An Adventure of Uncle Kay (Part One)

It was in Makurdi immediately after my service year. I was foodstuff seller; buying from the North and selling in Lagos and Ibadan. On one of my trips, I decided to buy from Lafia and environs because a friend who lived and worked in Makurdi advised I could get good quality grains at competitive prices in that region.

So, off to Makurdi I went. Aside from being on business, I also wanted to stay there for a few days. For a southerner Makurdi was terribly hot for me. As a result, my friend got me entertained with the local drink – Kunu. He buys every morning and put in the freezer before leaving for work. Within two days, I fell passionately in love with Kunu. The four litre keg that we bought the last two days became grossly inadequate for me.


By the third day, my friend decided to contract the supplier to bring whatever quantity I ask for daily. This went on for another three days. I soon became friendly with the 30-something year old woman seller.

On the fourth day of her retainership, she came to deliver Kunu as arranged. Only that on this day, she decided to deliver more than Kunu. Unlike the previous days when she would stand by the door, this day, she came into the living room as the door was not locked. I was in the shower, but rushed out (in towels) to know who the intruder was. Lo and behold, it was my supplier. Infact, she was already moving towards the direction of the bathroom where the noise was coming from!!!

To cut the long story short…(you can guess the rest of what happened)!

Okay Okay – you don’t want to guess. Okay I will tell you….

Unlike the previous days, she insisted on collecting her keg. So I implored her to wait for me to finish my bath and she agreed. I soon got dressed in shorts and t-shirt. I went into the kitchen to empty the keg of ‘kunu’ into containers. She offered to help and I obliged.

As she bent down to pour the drink, her wrapper opened and behold, she was wearing no bra! We looked at each other and there was no iota of embarrassment in her. (I was embarrassed – I was an Altar boy for most of my youth you know).

Then, I assured myself its okay to take it further. I grabbed hold of one of her boobs and put it in my mouth. I sucked like a ravenous pig. To my shock, horror and amazement, milk flowed into my mouth! I was aghast!

I had no experience of such, neither have I ever heard that its okay for an adult to suck breast. I immediately split it out.

To my embarrassment, she asked “what’s wrong?”

I replied “there is milk coming out!”

And she said “Don’t you like it”? “Have you never had it before?”

I said “NO” vehemently.

Then I asked “are you a nursing mother?”

“Yes” looking at me as if I was an embarrassment.

My mind went into a panic. I was afraid. All the passion welling up in me dissipated immediately.

You see, running around with another man’s wife wasn’t my idea of a trip to Benue. I have heard somewhere in the past that ‘Agatu’ (the general name we Yorubas call people from that region) are hard men who more than most do not play with their wives.

Noticing my jittery state, lady Kunu supplier said “What kind of a village man are you? You’re the first man I know who refused breast milk. But I thought Lagos men are exposed to such things?”

Fast forward to today in 2016, Uncle Kay is a 50-something year old man who now deeply regrets missing out on such opportunity. He now says, he would grab such opportunity with both hands if it were to be offered.

What do you think? Do you think Uncle Kay was a good man? What do you think is responsible for his change of views?

Credit: VIFA

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