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nigeria-joke

Just For Laughs

 

Letter from a man in Birmingham to his friend in London:
“I was fed up with being burgled and robbed every other day in my neighbourhood. The alarm system was no use so I tore it out and deregistered from our ineffective local Neighbourhood Watch…
Instead, I’ve planted a Afghanistan  flag in each corner of my front garden.
Now, the city police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all keeping watch on my house 24x7x365…
I’m followed to and from work every day and my wife too when she goes out shopping.
So no one bothers us at all…
I’ve never felt safer… All thanks to “Afghanistan.”

———————————————–

Nancy: A US doctor said: “Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another & have him looking for work in 6 weeks.”

A British doctor said: “That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another & have him looking for work in 4 weeks.”

A Canadian doctor said: “In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another & have them both looking for work in 2 weeks.” 

A Nigerian doctor, not to be outdone, says: “u guys are way behind. We just took a man with NO brain, made him President, and now the whole country is looking for work & food”.

 

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Bob and his Wife 

 

Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, ‘Hey, Bob! How ya doin?’

His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. ‘Oh no,’ says Bob. ‘He’s in my bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, ‘How did she know that you drink Budweiser?’ ‘I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.’
A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says,
‘Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?’
Bob’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, ‘Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.’

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Pastor  and Mobile Food Sellers – Nigeria Joke

A Pastor stopped at a traffic light and three girls: Apple seller, Bread seller and Yam seller pulled by:
Pastor: Apple seller give me one quotation in the bible where Apple is mentioned before I buy.
Apple seller:- The bible said…You are the Apple of my eyes.  “Good!: said Pastor, “I will buy N1000 worth of Apples”.
Pastor: Bread seller give me a bible quotation with bread and I’ll buy
Bread seller: Jesus said “I am the bread of life”.
Pastor: Let me buy N1000 worth of bread.
Pastor: Yam seller give me one quotation with yam and I’ll buy
Yam seller: Jesus said,  l yam that I yam…=)) =)) =)) =))

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Lanre and the Priest -Nigeria Jokes

lanre enters a church n finds the priest.

Priest: How may I help you son?

lanre: Im looking for my wife, she said she would be here but as I can see she’s not around. Now that am here, I would like to confess. Then go to the confession area

lanre: forgive me father for I have sinned

Priest: What are your sins my son?

lanre: The other day, I went looking for my wife at her home but she was not there. I found her sister alone, I slept with the sister.

Priest: Oh, that is sin, but at least you came to confess

lanre: Then another day I went looking for her at her aunt’s place but she was not there, I found her cousin alone, I slept with the cousin

Priest: You know that is wrong my son

lanre: Then the other day I went looking for her at her working place. She was not there, I found her colleague alone…

Priest interrupts: Let me guess, you slept with her colleague

lanre: Yes father

Then there was total silence after that.

lanre: Father?

lanre: Fatherrr?

Still no reply

lanre: Father are you dia??

lanre peeps through and finds out that the priest is no longer there . He looks for him and finds him hiding.

lanre: Why are you hiding father?

Priest (shaking with fear): I’ve just realised I’m the only one here and you came looking for your wife

 

 

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Posted by: | November 10, 2015

Posted on: 2015 November 10
topsellingproductsinNigeria

TOP SELLING PRODUCTS IN NIGERIA

TOP SELLING PRODUCTS IN NIGERIA

 

The list of products are gathered throughout the internet from various sites.

1.       Recharge cards for Mobile phones/Mobile phones – There are some brands that sells fast and others don’t. Do your research

2.       Garri – Nigerians love their food

3.        Kerosene Retail – Due to power issue, this is a top selling product

4.        Generator – This is obvious

5.        Rice farming

6.       Sachet Pure Water

7.        Haulage/Transport  services – Given the poor rail transport system in Nigeria, most of the goods are shifted by road and this makes the haulage business in Nigeria extremely lucrative.

8.        Poultry farming – This is big business, and you can begin with around 100 birds, and build it into a large-scale enterprise within a short period of time. You can make money from selling chicken eggs, or chickens for meat. This is a top business startup idea.

9.        Pure Water Production – Although this business needs some capital investment, it can be worth your effort and money in the long run particularly if you can manage pure water production and keep the quality intact over a long time. Your options are to sell as sachet, bagged or bottled water.

10.   Nursery and Primary School – There is a lack of good schools in the country and you can set up high quality nurseries or primary schools to make millions.

11.   Electrical machinery and equipment – If you are interested in importing, this is a lucrative and good business.

12.   Indomie Noodles Small Pack

13.   CloseUp Toothpaste

14.   Omo detergent

15.   Maggi seasoning

16.   Children Clothes

17.   Toyota automobiles.

18.   Fast Food business

19.   Construction business 

20.   Hotel business

21.   Furniture business – A lot of profits await you in the buying and selling of furniture. You do not have to be a carpenter to do this. You can simply contact trustworthy carpenters in your area and arrange a steady supply of furniture items to display in your showroom. This is a big scale enterprise due to the fact that only a few people can afford imported designers.

22.   .      Dresses/Shoe

23.   Children Toy

24. Coca Cola

25. Electronics (Used and New), Fridges and Air conditioners. Most dealer, Importers and traders do bring these items as fully built

26. Hospitals/Medical equipment (Hospital equipment are duty free, while medical equipment such as, syringes, hand cloves, cotton wool, surgical blades etc.

27. Building materials such as: Tiles, Roofing sheets, Sanitary wares etc.

28. WOMEN HAIR WIG & EXTENSIONS

29. FAIRLY USED CLOTHS, BAGS & SHOES

30. COMPUTER PARTS

31. NEW TELEPHONES – New China phones are selling like hot cakes, especially if your target market are the low end buyers who can afford between N2,500 to N5,000 naira phones

 It is easier to sell a product you know a lot about and passionate about

Goodluck

 

 

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Posted by: | October 22, 2015

Posted on: 2015 October 22
nigeria advertise

Make Real Money as a Self Employed

Have you been unemployed for awhile now, there is a quick and genuine way out. Become self employed. You can make real money as a Self Employed.

Yes, become a self employed. All you need is a skill or  a passion.

From experience, i realize the first obstacle is your thought. Different thought will run through your mind.

  • What will people think?
  • If i wait a bit am i get a proper job
  • Can i really make money
  • Can i make enough…..

Lot of doubts, some people might be overcome by this. While some people wont know where to start. The answer is start immediately. You will make mistakes, but  you will be better for it in the long run.

The truth  is that you have nothing to lose. If you do decide to, after only a few days. You will have learn a lot about yourself and about been an enterprenuer.  Even if you finally get a permanent job. You lose nothing.

If you have a skill, immediately start selling that skill as a service or as a product. Do you have skill in cake baking, bake and start selling. Speak to close contacts, family, friends, neighbors, church members, people in your local community or advertise yourself on Greenaira.

Always start small, be patient and always thrive to improve your skill.  Do self training, discipline yourself and always keep yourself abreast with the latest  information in whatever area you have choosen to unleash your skill or passion.

Be warned,  you will experience setback and disappointment, but there are all part of been a self -employed. You must improve your people skill and always try to look at things from your customers perspective. This will enable you to deliver exactly what your target audience are expecting.

Lastly, always make a good impression, be honest about your skill, and always push to deliver your best.  This is how you get repeat customers. Now they can trust you and your product or whatever service you offering. Before you know it, you would have build a customer based and a business. You will stop looking for a job and continue working on your passion and earning money.

 

Do not delay, start now and start earning.

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Posted by: | July 31, 2015

Posted on: 2015 July 31
998138_oak_IS_0

Selling & Buying Tips

Our Advice to sellers, is to ensure your advert meets our terms and conditions else we will delete it or pause it.

When selling a product, it is advisable  to take multiple pictures of the items and from different angles to give buyers a good view of the product.

Sellers are advice to use descriptive words to best describe their products. One line or two is not enough. Products with more description will sell quicker than products with less details. Don’t over price your product, enter a reasonable price. Ensure to check your email for messages from potential buyers.

For buyers, remember you are solely responsible for your dealings with sellers. Verify everything before pathing away with your money. Always play it safe.

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Posted by: | June 5, 2015

Posted on: 2015 June 5
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